Last night I went to check my email and found that someone had sent me a gift subscription to eharmony. I'm assuming that this is the same "friend" that signed me up for match.com, and if I ever find out who this person is, they might meet a violent end.
However, I decided to complete the questionnaire to see if my personality is anywhere near as snarky as I've been told, you know, since I didn't have a date that night or anything. I answered all 8 million questions as honestly as I could using that scale of 1-5 and read my profile. It was actually pretty much on the money.
Feeling like that might be a sign, I did a search for compatible males. Since I have fantasies of getting out of the US, I included Europe & Canada in the search and hit the button. I waited, and waited, and the screen finally came up.
Guess how many matches I got? Yes, that's it folks, ZERO. -- I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that I seem to be so "unique" that there is no one on three continents with a compatible personality.
Oh well, I'm OK with that. I can be the crazy lady with lots of little dogs that will be found dead a month after the fact.
12.27.2006
11.30.2006
Blind Date Goes Horribly, Horribly Wrong
So it's been months since I have been willing to date. Months I tell you.
But a friend of mine talked this one guy up so much (starting with, "He's gorgeous," not, "He's really nice.") & I finally acquiesced. We are talking about a guy who is handsome and successful, so I thought for sure that it would be a slam dunk.
Note: Some people emailed me to bitch about this last statement, saying I'm incredibly superficial. Well, that's only somewhat true. By successful, I meant "owns his own business, therefore must have a brain or two" NOT "potential sugar daddy." Just wanted to clear that up.
We met for a cocktail. He was gorgeous. Had his own business. Perfect, right? No. He's dumber than a stump. Conversation was nearly impossible. I seriously considered throwing myself into traffic to get out of this horrid date.
If I ever talk about going on a blind date before it happens, talk me down, I beg you.
Why is it so hard to find someone to make you laugh?
But a friend of mine talked this one guy up so much (starting with, "He's gorgeous," not, "He's really nice.") & I finally acquiesced. We are talking about a guy who is handsome and successful, so I thought for sure that it would be a slam dunk.
Note: Some people emailed me to bitch about this last statement, saying I'm incredibly superficial. Well, that's only somewhat true. By successful, I meant "owns his own business, therefore must have a brain or two" NOT "potential sugar daddy." Just wanted to clear that up.
We met for a cocktail. He was gorgeous. Had his own business. Perfect, right? No. He's dumber than a stump. Conversation was nearly impossible. I seriously considered throwing myself into traffic to get out of this horrid date.
If I ever talk about going on a blind date before it happens, talk me down, I beg you.
Why is it so hard to find someone to make you laugh?
11.28.2006
12 Step Program for Fark?
I think that I need one, I really do. I keep the browser open all day and when I get a moment, what's the first thing I do? I check fark, to see what's in the news, to see what sort of snark is being flung about.
I admit it, I have a problem and I need help. Are there meetings somewhere?
I admit it, I have a problem and I need help. Are there meetings somewhere?
You Would Think
That the reason I haven't posted in a while is due to the fact that I am so super fabulously busy & just don't have time. But, upon reading my brilliant post about my battle with mucus, you would quickly realize that is NOT the case.
Well, I am busy. I took at second job to supplement my income (once again, thank you college), so that takes up most of my waking time now. Wake up, go to work, leave work, go to work. It's all about the glamor baby, it's all about the glamor.
Spending my days in a stress-filled office then heading to a place where I have to wear a uniform and say things like, "My pleasure!" has really done a number on my mental self-image. It wasn't that great to begin with, but now I'm really confused.
Tonight I'm working late at the office, so I couldn't go to the other place. Although I'm losing major amounts of minimum wage, I'm kind of thankful.
Well, I am busy. I took at second job to supplement my income (once again, thank you college), so that takes up most of my waking time now. Wake up, go to work, leave work, go to work. It's all about the glamor baby, it's all about the glamor.
Spending my days in a stress-filled office then heading to a place where I have to wear a uniform and say things like, "My pleasure!" has really done a number on my mental self-image. It wasn't that great to begin with, but now I'm really confused.
Tonight I'm working late at the office, so I couldn't go to the other place. Although I'm losing major amounts of minimum wage, I'm kind of thankful.
10.11.2006
Epic Battle with Mucus
It all began innocently enough. I’ve been working insane hours for the past couple of months and in an effort to make up for this, I volunteered to help out with the kidlet's 5th grade field trip.
Anyone who knows me will find that little tidbit amusing in and of itself. I am a parent, and my daughter is the coolest, but on the whole I am not overly fond of children (she's the first baby I ever held). This can be a problem since kids, like cats, are immediately drawn to those that dislike them. It’s amazing really; the little suckers hang on me like I’m covered in gummy bears or something.
Anyhow, a few days after the field trip from hell (it's a posting all by itself, I’m not over it enough to relive it yet); I began to feel sort of crappy. Since I had been in the middle of a ton of kids (also known as germ factories) I wasn't all that surprised that I was developing a cold. For a week I was feeling more and more miserable so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. She diagnosed a sinus infection & bronchitis, put me on antibiotics and sent me on my way with a word of caution to get some rest and take care of myself. Yeah, right – she’s never seen what my work life is like.
My body was so filled with mucus that every time I blew my nose I was completely astounded at how much was coming out. I was sneezing like mad (which is how I’m going to die, sneezing while driving, I just know it) and I just felt like shit in general. But we were in a peak at work so taking time off was not an option.
Then, one morning I woke up before my alarm and I felt, well, wonderful. The feeling was so foreign to me at this point that I almost didn’t recognize the sensation, but I welcomed it with open arms and decided to make the best of it.
I jumped into the shower, actually did my hair and makeup, put on a great outfit and my new super cool suede pumps. I looked great, felt great and was even going to be early for work!
On the way to the cube farm I always stop and get what is known in my world as the "big soda" -- I’m not much of a coffee person, so a 44oz. diet coke is my preferred method for early morning caffeine.(yes, I know I have a problem)
So I head to the convenience store, get my soda, pay and head for the door. I’m still happy, still look and feel great and am very excited about getting the caffeine into my system ASAP. – Then it happens. The sneezing fit to end all sneezing fits, right there at the door of the store. I'm right at the spot where the motion sensor goes off (you know, that obnoxious "bong bong" noise), frozen in my tracks, no control over my body whatsoever.
As I am sneezing uncontrollably I grip my soda much too hard, somehow manage to squeeze the top off and sort of jerk the cup upwards. I am now covered in diet coke, snot and spit;. so is the front door and the floor, and my new shoes. All of this in the space of about 5 seconds.
The guy behind the counter moves quickly through the crowd (well of course there was a crowd, this is ME after all), starts cleaning up the floor and then another clerk brings me a new soda. I muttered thank you, got back in my car without making eye contact with anyone and headed back home to shower and change.
The end result is that my shoes were ruined, I will never go back to that store, and I was now late for work, humiliated, feeling like shit again AND in a pissy mood. Jesus, how I love my life.
Anyone who knows me will find that little tidbit amusing in and of itself. I am a parent, and my daughter is the coolest, but on the whole I am not overly fond of children (she's the first baby I ever held). This can be a problem since kids, like cats, are immediately drawn to those that dislike them. It’s amazing really; the little suckers hang on me like I’m covered in gummy bears or something.
Anyhow, a few days after the field trip from hell (it's a posting all by itself, I’m not over it enough to relive it yet); I began to feel sort of crappy. Since I had been in the middle of a ton of kids (also known as germ factories) I wasn't all that surprised that I was developing a cold. For a week I was feeling more and more miserable so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. She diagnosed a sinus infection & bronchitis, put me on antibiotics and sent me on my way with a word of caution to get some rest and take care of myself. Yeah, right – she’s never seen what my work life is like.
My body was so filled with mucus that every time I blew my nose I was completely astounded at how much was coming out. I was sneezing like mad (which is how I’m going to die, sneezing while driving, I just know it) and I just felt like shit in general. But we were in a peak at work so taking time off was not an option.
Then, one morning I woke up before my alarm and I felt, well, wonderful. The feeling was so foreign to me at this point that I almost didn’t recognize the sensation, but I welcomed it with open arms and decided to make the best of it.
I jumped into the shower, actually did my hair and makeup, put on a great outfit and my new super cool suede pumps. I looked great, felt great and was even going to be early for work!
On the way to the cube farm I always stop and get what is known in my world as the "big soda" -- I’m not much of a coffee person, so a 44oz. diet coke is my preferred method for early morning caffeine.(yes, I know I have a problem)
So I head to the convenience store, get my soda, pay and head for the door. I’m still happy, still look and feel great and am very excited about getting the caffeine into my system ASAP. – Then it happens. The sneezing fit to end all sneezing fits, right there at the door of the store. I'm right at the spot where the motion sensor goes off (you know, that obnoxious "bong bong" noise), frozen in my tracks, no control over my body whatsoever.
As I am sneezing uncontrollably I grip my soda much too hard, somehow manage to squeeze the top off and sort of jerk the cup upwards. I am now covered in diet coke, snot and spit;. so is the front door and the floor, and my new shoes. All of this in the space of about 5 seconds.
The guy behind the counter moves quickly through the crowd (well of course there was a crowd, this is ME after all), starts cleaning up the floor and then another clerk brings me a new soda. I muttered thank you, got back in my car without making eye contact with anyone and headed back home to shower and change.
The end result is that my shoes were ruined, I will never go back to that store, and I was now late for work, humiliated, feeling like shit again AND in a pissy mood. Jesus, how I love my life.
9.20.2006
Afterlife as Urban Legend?
You know that someone is huge when shortly after their unexpected death, urban legends begin popping up on this lovely thing we call the internet.
After reading a lovely "inspirational" email forwarded to me (and about 80 other people it looks like) from a friend of mine that is apparently very concerned about the state of my soul, I just read at snopes.com that there is now a rumor running around that Steve Irwin became "born-again" shortly before his unexpected death (read the excerpt from the email I received below, then check the whole story here).
Yes, we now have confirmation of Steve Irwin's decision for Christ.
I want to inform Creation Ministries International, that Steve Irwin became a born again Christian two and a half weeks ago at the Kings Church AOG Buderim, Queensland Australia, going forward publicly before the congregation to ask Christ to become his Lord and Saviour.
Many of us will now spend eternity with him. I am sure Terri is comforted as a Christian in the fact that she will be with Jesus and also Steve again for eternity. Steve declared the day before he died that he was the happiest he had ever been in his whole life.
Apparently the evangelists will do anything that they can to spread their "word" -- including little white lies about a guy who, at least with the 18 and under set that I know, was a huge hero.
Upon reading the article, it does look like he was a member of a church, but it certainly doesn't seem to be that he went through this conversion recently, certainly not days before the accident.
I'm not sure of all the facts, but it sort of stinks that this sad event seems to be being misused, even if it's well-intentioned in the minds of the people who are passing this lie along unintenionally. (how else can I use a form of the word intention?)
Personally, I don't care what anyone's religion is, at least not until they start trying to cram it down my throat. But using someone's death to further a religious belief system (no matter what the flavor), that's just gross. Almost as gross as hitting that forward button and sending items you haven't checked out to everyone in your address book...
After reading a lovely "inspirational" email forwarded to me (and about 80 other people it looks like) from a friend of mine that is apparently very concerned about the state of my soul, I just read at snopes.com that there is now a rumor running around that Steve Irwin became "born-again" shortly before his unexpected death (read the excerpt from the email I received below, then check the whole story here).
Yes, we now have confirmation of Steve Irwin's decision for Christ.
I want to inform Creation Ministries International, that Steve Irwin became a born again Christian two and a half weeks ago at the Kings Church AOG Buderim, Queensland Australia, going forward publicly before the congregation to ask Christ to become his Lord and Saviour.
Many of us will now spend eternity with him. I am sure Terri is comforted as a Christian in the fact that she will be with Jesus and also Steve again for eternity. Steve declared the day before he died that he was the happiest he had ever been in his whole life.
Apparently the evangelists will do anything that they can to spread their "word" -- including little white lies about a guy who, at least with the 18 and under set that I know, was a huge hero.
Upon reading the article, it does look like he was a member of a church, but it certainly doesn't seem to be that he went through this conversion recently, certainly not days before the accident.
I'm not sure of all the facts, but it sort of stinks that this sad event seems to be being misused, even if it's well-intentioned in the minds of the people who are passing this lie along unintenionally. (how else can I use a form of the word intention?)
Personally, I don't care what anyone's religion is, at least not until they start trying to cram it down my throat. But using someone's death to further a religious belief system (no matter what the flavor), that's just gross. Almost as gross as hitting that forward button and sending items you haven't checked out to everyone in your address book...
9.12.2006
You Know It's Bad When
I have promised the kid that I will cook tonight, pasta and salad of all things, and I'm ready to nap just from the thought. If my job involved saving lives, maybe this would be acceptable. But since it doesn't, I feel like I need to organize some sort of white collar strike. When I get the energy.
9.03.2006
"Frugal" Dating Tips?
I saw this online today and I was just amazed. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that not everyone has a disposable income that allows for huge spending. But from now on, when some guy makes one of these suggestions, I’m going to wonder if he’s being romantic or if he’s just broke…
Of course, if a person is up front about things being tight, it might not be such a big deal. But this sounds like a list of cheap things to do without admitting that you’re broke.
You have found a possible soul mate, but now you are worried of the cost of the whole wooing process because you’re on a thrifty budget. Well, do not fret over it because there are alternative ideas. It is possible to date with little or no cash flow and it can allow you to be creative while having a frugally fun time.
Of course, if a person is up front about things being tight, it might not be such a big deal. But this sounds like a list of cheap things to do without admitting that you’re broke.
You have found a possible soul mate, but now you are worried of the cost of the whole wooing process because you’re on a thrifty budget. Well, do not fret over it because there are alternative ideas. It is possible to date with little or no cash flow and it can allow you to be creative while having a frugally fun time.
- Do some star gazing at a local college observatory. It is open to the public during the school year and it’s absolutely free. -- Even better, have your date meet you at your place (save on gas money!) then take a bottle of tap water & a dirty sheet out to the parking lot, you can watch the stars from there. Your date will love you for it.
- Feel one with nature. Have a picnic and explore a state or national park (admission is typically under $10 or free). -- Oh, and talk your date into bringing the food too so you don’t have to cough up for peanut butter and bread either.
- See a music laser show at a planetarium for around $6.00. -- And your date will completely love hanging out with stoned teenagers listening to Rush or Pink Floyd. God knows I do.
- Check out a poetry reading or other events at a bookstore. Sometimes snacks or beverages are provided. -- I can’t even begin to tell you how freaking wrong this is. First of all, I can only think of maybe three authors that I would have any interest in listening to. Second, I would expect to eat first. And if you expect me to fill up on bad coffee and crackers at the bookstore, don’t be surprised if I never answer the phone again from that moment forward. Because I won’t.
- Create a food themes night and cook each other a dinner and appetizer at home. -- This one isn’t too bad actually. But I swear, if the frugal one’s dinner includes ramen noodles, I am outta there.
- Check out local arts festivals, craft fairs, flea markets or antiques fairs. Admission is typically under $10. -- Make sure your date gives a damn about these kinds of things. I personally get a kick out of flea markets and swap meets (Unless of course my date says, “Make sure you’ve eaten before I pick you up!”), but I have some girlfriends that hate it.
- Attend a beer or wine tasting. At less than $10 each, you get more buzz for your buck! -- Or free beer nights at the local college bar, yep, that will really impress your date.
- Swing is back. Take a dance lesson and tear up the dance floor with the hottest moves. Often, the first lesson is free. -- You better learn EVERYTHING during that first lesson.
- Attend a student art show. Often the shows are free and refreshments follow. -- See my comment about the readings above.
- Rent your favorite movies or see an IMAX movie for under $10. -- Staying in to watch a movie is one of my favorite things to do, but only after the dating has been going on for a little while.
8.30.2006
Sock Monkeys and The Tarantino Connection
First of all, I love this dress!!! -- If I had this dress I would probably wear it at least once a week and sleep in it the other days. Man, it just leaves me semi-speechless.
*************************
OK, now that I've gotten that girly freak-out out of my system, next topic. Someone asked me recently why my life is so strange. Actually, people that know me, ask this a lot.
I know that I haven't posted enough here for folks to get the full measure of just how weird it gets in the world of Hella, but trust me, it's freaky. I told her that although I don't know the why of the weirdness, I do get the distinct feeling that my life is actually a remake of the "I Love Lucy" show, only I'm divorced and Quentin Tarantino is directing the whole thing.
If it can go wrong or weird, it will, without fail; usually both if it's at all possible. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm OK with that, but it's taken a long time. Take the Mr. Meth story for instance. I mean, come on, how many other people have had some random dude sitting in their car in the mini-mart parking lot? (And yes, I have learned my lesson, lock the doors even if it's just for a minute)
Admittedly, I would prefer a calm, quiet life with some guy that worships me and my critters. But I think any semi-normal man that met me would probably run screaming in the oppposite direction when he got his first glimpse of what an emotional bag of snakes/freak magnet I truly am. I wouldn't blame him either, I'd run if I could.
*************************
OK, now that I've gotten that girly freak-out out of my system, next topic. Someone asked me recently why my life is so strange. Actually, people that know me, ask this a lot.
I know that I haven't posted enough here for folks to get the full measure of just how weird it gets in the world of Hella, but trust me, it's freaky. I told her that although I don't know the why of the weirdness, I do get the distinct feeling that my life is actually a remake of the "I Love Lucy" show, only I'm divorced and Quentin Tarantino is directing the whole thing.
If it can go wrong or weird, it will, without fail; usually both if it's at all possible. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm OK with that, but it's taken a long time. Take the Mr. Meth story for instance. I mean, come on, how many other people have had some random dude sitting in their car in the mini-mart parking lot? (And yes, I have learned my lesson, lock the doors even if it's just for a minute)
Admittedly, I would prefer a calm, quiet life with some guy that worships me and my critters. But I think any semi-normal man that met me would probably run screaming in the oppposite direction when he got his first glimpse of what an emotional bag of snakes/freak magnet I truly am. I wouldn't blame him either, I'd run if I could.
Popping The Cherry
I have stories, lies, rants, and just random ideas that will appear here whenever I get the time to post.
Can't wait to see how it all works out.
First story...
The other night I ran to the mini mart down the street to pick up soda. When I got to the cooler in the back, I saw this skinny, very brown, very grey-haired older guy picking out random sodas and mumbling to himself. In the town I live in, this is not unusual (there is a lot of meth being produced here, or so I'm told), so I just went about my business. Keeping a safe distance in case he decided I was a giant meth addict eating spider.
Unfortunately, I moved too quickly because he was still at the register when I got up front, mumbling about the JonBenet guy to the cashier. Poor cashier, he looked disgusted and a little scared. (First rule of being a cashier at a mini mart, never show them fear.)
Mr. Meth finished mumbling, took his purchases and left. I paid, already forgetting about him and left as well. I was getting into my car when I saw something odd in the backseat. You guessed it, it was Mr. Meth. Right there in my car, looking totally content and ready to roll. Thankfully, I'm not so desperate for sex that I took him home with me. Instead, I asked him very nicely, about 5 times to get out of my car. Finally he did, and I went home. (maybe I should have gotten his number though, just in case)
I love my life. Even picking up soft drinks can become an adventure.
Can't wait to see how it all works out.
First story...
The other night I ran to the mini mart down the street to pick up soda. When I got to the cooler in the back, I saw this skinny, very brown, very grey-haired older guy picking out random sodas and mumbling to himself. In the town I live in, this is not unusual (there is a lot of meth being produced here, or so I'm told), so I just went about my business. Keeping a safe distance in case he decided I was a giant meth addict eating spider.
Unfortunately, I moved too quickly because he was still at the register when I got up front, mumbling about the JonBenet guy to the cashier. Poor cashier, he looked disgusted and a little scared. (First rule of being a cashier at a mini mart, never show them fear.)
Mr. Meth finished mumbling, took his purchases and left. I paid, already forgetting about him and left as well. I was getting into my car when I saw something odd in the backseat. You guessed it, it was Mr. Meth. Right there in my car, looking totally content and ready to roll. Thankfully, I'm not so desperate for sex that I took him home with me. Instead, I asked him very nicely, about 5 times to get out of my car. Finally he did, and I went home. (maybe I should have gotten his number though, just in case)
I love my life. Even picking up soft drinks can become an adventure.
Great way to start the day
It's still too early to think, but I had to take a moment to talk about my parents. I love my folks, they are super cool, they don't stick their noses in my life too much, but I think that there is such a thing as being too hands off. That's them.
I called my mom on the way to work this morning, we chatted for a little while and when I got off the phone I realized that we hadn't spoken in almost a month. What's up with that? Why don't they call ME? I'm too far away for it to be offensive body odor. I do know that I've now given myself a new inferiority complex. Great way to start the day...
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I called my mom on the way to work this morning, we chatted for a little while and when I got off the phone I realized that we hadn't spoken in almost a month. What's up with that? Why don't they call ME? I'm too far away for it to be offensive body odor. I do know that I've now given myself a new inferiority complex. Great way to start the day...
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8.27.2006
A Word of Advice
Most of you have heard this at least once in your relationship, “I wish that…” Now, in that blank area you can insert “my ass was smaller, I had bigger boobs, I didn’t have so many wrinkles,” or whatever else it is that your partner is wishing for.
Here’s a little tip, the responses of, “But you look great,” or, “I love you just like you are,” – those are bullshit. The correct response is as follows, “If that’s what you want honey, then let’s make it happen.”
Pony up for the procedure, offer to help her out with whatever it is that is bothering her. Even though you may think she’s perfect (and NONE of you do, so quit lying to yourselves), she will feel way sexier if she fixes what she doesn’t like. And trust me, you will benefit from her feeling sexier, so just do it.
My biggest hang-up is my chest. It’s not what my mind sees on my body, because in my mind I am built like the fantasy comic book chick. Along with the myriad of other things that went wrong in my last relationship, if my man had just helped me buy a new set of tits, it probably would have worked itself out.
Think about this, it could save your relationship. And I promise, once whatever it is heals, you will benefit, in a HUGE way.
Here’s a little tip, the responses of, “But you look great,” or, “I love you just like you are,” – those are bullshit. The correct response is as follows, “If that’s what you want honey, then let’s make it happen.”
Pony up for the procedure, offer to help her out with whatever it is that is bothering her. Even though you may think she’s perfect (and NONE of you do, so quit lying to yourselves), she will feel way sexier if she fixes what she doesn’t like. And trust me, you will benefit from her feeling sexier, so just do it.
My biggest hang-up is my chest. It’s not what my mind sees on my body, because in my mind I am built like the fantasy comic book chick. Along with the myriad of other things that went wrong in my last relationship, if my man had just helped me buy a new set of tits, it probably would have worked itself out.
Think about this, it could save your relationship. And I promise, once whatever it is heals, you will benefit, in a HUGE way.
Local Kids Make Good
I went to see "Little Miss Sunshine" and it is freaking fantastic. Not only is it intelligent, well shot and a nice change from the crap I've seen recently, but it also features the music of one of my absolutely favorite "unknown" bands of all time, Devotchka! There's even a music video, which you can see here:
It is so cool to see a great movie and hear such a fantastic band getting the exposure they deserve.
It is so cool to see a great movie and hear such a fantastic band getting the exposure they deserve.
8.26.2006
random fragments
It's about 8.30 am on Saturday, I fought getting out of bed as long as I could. I need to go to the office to get more crap done that no one really cares about, but first I wanted to share this little tidbit.
So I have tried to create a new habit (my ONLY new year’s resolution in fact – I’ve gotten realistic with old age), to type random thoughts that come to me during the day into a single document so that I can do the following:
a) Spell check (for the love of PETE, this is so crucial)
b) Reality check (is this something I want everyone on the planet to possibly see? -- yeah, I know that only 5 people probably read this, but just in case...)
c) Sobriety check (as I told my dear friend A, friends don't let friends type drunk)
On that note, I thought I would share with you some random sentences (or fragments, for the grammar freaks out there) that I have written in the past few months that were just, well, too silly for a grown up to post (stop laughing damn it!). Taken out of context, they are pretty damn funny to me, and safe to post (maybe). -- Stand by for my public humiliation/self-flogging (I do it all for you darling, no one else, I swear)...
My favorite subject line:
"I smell like someone different" -- did I really write that? OK, taken in context it wouldn't be so bad (no, really, I swear). I am not dishing the context though, it's much MUCH funnier just standing there on it's own. (Or sad, or creepy, not sure yet)
Things I've written that now make me want to cringe in shame or possibly bitch-slap myself:
"...and despite my best efforts I fell in love" -- now WTF is THAT?? Did I mention that I am NOT in the midst of puberty? OR that I’m not in the starring role in some lame ass American romantic comedy? Yes? Well then, need I say more? I'll have to show that one to the kid when she gets a little older, she will get a kick out of it.
OK, now I’m starting to hate myself just for realizing that I have written this tripe. Here’s the last one:
"there is no hesitancy in admitting that I am damaged" – OK, I had to take a moment there to stop laughing at myself. Nothing worse than shooting your beverage all over your monitor, ridiculing yourself for being such a dweeb, while sitting alone in your basement. All I can say is this, "damaged" does not even begin to describe me for one thing and I’m OK with that.
Oh boy, I would just love to get myself loaded and watch the rest of the brilliance roll in. Sheesh…
So I have tried to create a new habit (my ONLY new year’s resolution in fact – I’ve gotten realistic with old age), to type random thoughts that come to me during the day into a single document so that I can do the following:
a) Spell check (for the love of PETE, this is so crucial)
b) Reality check (is this something I want everyone on the planet to possibly see? -- yeah, I know that only 5 people probably read this, but just in case...)
c) Sobriety check (as I told my dear friend A, friends don't let friends type drunk)
On that note, I thought I would share with you some random sentences (or fragments, for the grammar freaks out there) that I have written in the past few months that were just, well, too silly for a grown up to post (stop laughing damn it!). Taken out of context, they are pretty damn funny to me, and safe to post (maybe). -- Stand by for my public humiliation/self-flogging (I do it all for you darling, no one else, I swear)...
My favorite subject line:
"I smell like someone different" -- did I really write that? OK, taken in context it wouldn't be so bad (no, really, I swear). I am not dishing the context though, it's much MUCH funnier just standing there on it's own. (Or sad, or creepy, not sure yet)
Things I've written that now make me want to cringe in shame or possibly bitch-slap myself:
"...and despite my best efforts I fell in love" -- now WTF is THAT?? Did I mention that I am NOT in the midst of puberty? OR that I’m not in the starring role in some lame ass American romantic comedy? Yes? Well then, need I say more? I'll have to show that one to the kid when she gets a little older, she will get a kick out of it.
OK, now I’m starting to hate myself just for realizing that I have written this tripe. Here’s the last one:
"there is no hesitancy in admitting that I am damaged" – OK, I had to take a moment there to stop laughing at myself. Nothing worse than shooting your beverage all over your monitor, ridiculing yourself for being such a dweeb, while sitting alone in your basement. All I can say is this, "damaged" does not even begin to describe me for one thing and I’m OK with that.
Oh boy, I would just love to get myself loaded and watch the rest of the brilliance roll in. Sheesh…
8.25.2006
8.07.2006
Oh Glorious Exotica
Today I woke up in one of those craptastic moods, just knowing that once my feet hit the door of the veal pen, it was going to be a rough day. -- So to keep my mood as far away from homicidal as possible, I decided to listen ONLY to somafm.com's streaming station "Ill Street Lounge: Classic bachelor pad, playful exotica and vintage music of tomorrow."
I would like to say that thanks to this station, no humans were hurt in the production of this day. If you like lounge, exotica, check it out. They have other cool stations too, such as "Secret Agent: The soundtrack for your stylish, mysterious, dangerous life." I'm listening to that one now, and it's lovely, truly lovely.
That's all. I have to get back to work. But I wanted to share this with any other wage slaves that may need intervention.
I would like to say that thanks to this station, no humans were hurt in the production of this day. If you like lounge, exotica, check it out. They have other cool stations too, such as "Secret Agent: The soundtrack for your stylish, mysterious, dangerous life." I'm listening to that one now, and it's lovely, truly lovely.
That's all. I have to get back to work. But I wanted to share this with any other wage slaves that may need intervention.
7.29.2006
Hoppin' Saturday Night
Yep, it's 10 pm on Saturday night and let me tell you, it's been a crazy one so far. -- Sitting here at my desk, working on a co-worker's project that went to hell (we would all like to thank the "outsourcing" model for this great weekend).
What I really want at the moment is an amazingly pleasant adventure, but I don't think it's going to happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow, if I'm lucky.
Whoo-hoo, good times. Whew, gotta catch my breath.
What I really want at the moment is an amazingly pleasant adventure, but I don't think it's going to happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow, if I'm lucky.
Whoo-hoo, good times. Whew, gotta catch my breath.
7.27.2006
Un-freaking-believable
I don't usually get into ranting about political issues, but today I just HAD to share this.
The former governor of my fair state, Richard Lamm, has written a book and I have to say that I am absolutely astounded at his statements. I'm not sure if the reason that I'm freaked out is because of the incredibly racist attitudes, the gross generalizations about no less than four different kinds of Americans, or the fact that this person was once the head of this state.
I can't even talk about this, I'm that disgusted. But please do read this article, let me know what you think. Because I sure as hell don't know WHAT to think at this point. -- I'm sure I'll write more later, once the sick feeling has left my stomach.
You can read the full story below or use this URL: http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_4873647,00.html
***********************************
Lamm's words draw fire
Ex-governor sees 'underperformance' by Hispanics, blacks
By Myung Oak Kim, Rocky Mountain News
July 27, 2006
Former Gov. Richard Lamm is under fire for comments in a recent speech and in his new book that Hispanics remain an "underclass" in America because their culture is "not success-producing."
Lamm made the statements during a speech Monday in Vail hosted by the Vail Symposium, a nonprofit group that hosts educational and cultural programs. He addressed about 120 people, only a handful of whom were Hispanic or black, said Vail Symposium Executive Director Fraidy Aber.
At that event, Lamm also sold about 25 copies of his new book, Two Wands, One Nation, Aber said.
In the 80-page paperback published in January, Lamm argues that Hispanics and blacks need to take responsibility for their "underperformance" and should adopt the values of the Japanese and Jews.
"Let me offer you, metaphorically, two magic wands that have sweeping powers to change society. With one wand you could wipe out all racism and discrimination from the hearts and minds of white America. The other wand you could wave across the ghettos and barrios of America and infuse the inhabitants with Japanese or Jewish values, respect for learning and ambition," Lamm wrote.
"I suggest that the best wand for society and for those who live in the ghettos and barrios would be the second wand."
Lamm is a longtime critic of mass immigration and most recently served as a leader of Defend Colorado Now, a group that wants to stop illegal immigrants from receiving government services.
Public concern about illegal immigration - which often focuses on Mexican immigrants - led to a special session of the state legislature earlier this month that included heated debates and accusations of racism. In the end, lawmakers passed a package of bills aimed at curbing illegal immigration that are considered among the toughest in the country.
In his book, excerpts of which the News carried in its Commentary section on Feb. 18, Lamm stresses that Hispanics and blacks blame white racism too much for their problems and that it is time to have an honest discussion about how to help them succeed.
"Racism and discrimination clearly still exist, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that the problem of minority underperformance is much broader and more nuanced than can be explained by the impact of racism alone," he wrote.
"When two-thirds of black births are out-of-wedlock births, it is hard to write a happy or prosperous future for black America. When close to 50 percent of Hispanic students don't graduate from high school, it is hard to see Hispanics following the typical American route to prosperity."
Local Hispanic and black leaders say Lamm's viewpoints fuel stereotypes and extremism instead of helpful dialogue.
"I was quite offended," said state Rep. Terrance Carroll, D-Denver, who is black. "I think there's room to have conversations about personal responsibility and we should. But we can have that conversation without demonizing.
"It's sad that someone as intelligent as Governor Lamm can't see how these types of comments really don't do anything to further legitimate debate."
Fidel "Butch" Montoya, former Denver manager of safety and a leader of Confianza, a Hispanic clergy group, said he's "outraged" by Lamm's comments.
"I couldn't believe that in this day and age that someone would be so open with a sense of bigotry and extremism," Montoya said.
Cody Wertz, spokesman for U.S. Sen. Ken Salazar, said that Lamm is wrong.
"You don't have to go any farther than Senator Salazar's parents, Henry and Emma, and the values they instilled in their eight children to realize how wrong Dick Lamm is," Wertz said. "Henry and Emma instilled an ethic of hard work and love of education in their children so all eight graduated from college and have been great examples for all Coloradans, both Hispanic and non- Hispanic."
Lamm said even if people are offended, the issue of cultural connection to educational and economic success still needs to be discussed.
"I don't think that Jews are smarter. I don't think Hispanics are dumber," he said. "You've got to look at why one group succeeds disproportionately and the other group fails disproportionately."
He said he's not surprised by the anger his remarks have evoked.
"All great truths begin as heresies," he added.
Lamm's book grew out of a 2003 essay he wrote and tried to publish in a newsletter at the University of Denver, where he teaches public policy. For the last three years, Lamm has lambasted the university for not publishing his essay.
In the foreword of his book, Lamm addresses the university: "May you come to understand that on a college campus, 'too controversial' is not the answer to anything, ever."
DU vigorously disputes Lamm's accusations. The school contends it did not publish the essay in 2003 because the newsletter didn't take unsolicited work and had changed its format. Spokesman Jim Berscheidt said the school offered Lamm other ways to publish his essay, which he did not take.
"We never censor free speech," Berscheidt said.
City Councilwoman Rosemary Rodriguez, who is Hispanic, said Lamm's comments are consistent with those made in past years.
"He's worn me down. I just expect this from him," she said.
Bruce DeBoskey, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League, agreed that Lamm's book does not present new arguments. But they are still dangerous, he said.
Lamm's comments "can lead to greater prejudice rather than to greater understanding," he said.
Aber, of the Vail Symposium, said Lamm encouraged debate during his 40-minute speech and question- and-answer session. He said the audience didn't express anger.
"He was kind of pushing for people to argue," she said. "Some people were agreeing and some people were disagreeing and . . . that was welcome."
The former governor of my fair state, Richard Lamm, has written a book and I have to say that I am absolutely astounded at his statements. I'm not sure if the reason that I'm freaked out is because of the incredibly racist attitudes, the gross generalizations about no less than four different kinds of Americans, or the fact that this person was once the head of this state.
I can't even talk about this, I'm that disgusted. But please do read this article, let me know what you think. Because I sure as hell don't know WHAT to think at this point. -- I'm sure I'll write more later, once the sick feeling has left my stomach.
You can read the full story below or use this URL: http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_4873647,00.html
***********************************
Lamm's words draw fire
Ex-governor sees 'underperformance' by Hispanics, blacks
By Myung Oak Kim, Rocky Mountain News
July 27, 2006
Former Gov. Richard Lamm is under fire for comments in a recent speech and in his new book that Hispanics remain an "underclass" in America because their culture is "not success-producing."
Lamm made the statements during a speech Monday in Vail hosted by the Vail Symposium, a nonprofit group that hosts educational and cultural programs. He addressed about 120 people, only a handful of whom were Hispanic or black, said Vail Symposium Executive Director Fraidy Aber.
At that event, Lamm also sold about 25 copies of his new book, Two Wands, One Nation, Aber said.
In the 80-page paperback published in January, Lamm argues that Hispanics and blacks need to take responsibility for their "underperformance" and should adopt the values of the Japanese and Jews.
"Let me offer you, metaphorically, two magic wands that have sweeping powers to change society. With one wand you could wipe out all racism and discrimination from the hearts and minds of white America. The other wand you could wave across the ghettos and barrios of America and infuse the inhabitants with Japanese or Jewish values, respect for learning and ambition," Lamm wrote.
"I suggest that the best wand for society and for those who live in the ghettos and barrios would be the second wand."
Lamm is a longtime critic of mass immigration and most recently served as a leader of Defend Colorado Now, a group that wants to stop illegal immigrants from receiving government services.
Public concern about illegal immigration - which often focuses on Mexican immigrants - led to a special session of the state legislature earlier this month that included heated debates and accusations of racism. In the end, lawmakers passed a package of bills aimed at curbing illegal immigration that are considered among the toughest in the country.
In his book, excerpts of which the News carried in its Commentary section on Feb. 18, Lamm stresses that Hispanics and blacks blame white racism too much for their problems and that it is time to have an honest discussion about how to help them succeed.
"Racism and discrimination clearly still exist, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that the problem of minority underperformance is much broader and more nuanced than can be explained by the impact of racism alone," he wrote.
"When two-thirds of black births are out-of-wedlock births, it is hard to write a happy or prosperous future for black America. When close to 50 percent of Hispanic students don't graduate from high school, it is hard to see Hispanics following the typical American route to prosperity."
Local Hispanic and black leaders say Lamm's viewpoints fuel stereotypes and extremism instead of helpful dialogue.
"I was quite offended," said state Rep. Terrance Carroll, D-Denver, who is black. "I think there's room to have conversations about personal responsibility and we should. But we can have that conversation without demonizing.
"It's sad that someone as intelligent as Governor Lamm can't see how these types of comments really don't do anything to further legitimate debate."
Fidel "Butch" Montoya, former Denver manager of safety and a leader of Confianza, a Hispanic clergy group, said he's "outraged" by Lamm's comments.
"I couldn't believe that in this day and age that someone would be so open with a sense of bigotry and extremism," Montoya said.
Cody Wertz, spokesman for U.S. Sen. Ken Salazar, said that Lamm is wrong.
"You don't have to go any farther than Senator Salazar's parents, Henry and Emma, and the values they instilled in their eight children to realize how wrong Dick Lamm is," Wertz said. "Henry and Emma instilled an ethic of hard work and love of education in their children so all eight graduated from college and have been great examples for all Coloradans, both Hispanic and non- Hispanic."
Lamm said even if people are offended, the issue of cultural connection to educational and economic success still needs to be discussed.
"I don't think that Jews are smarter. I don't think Hispanics are dumber," he said. "You've got to look at why one group succeeds disproportionately and the other group fails disproportionately."
He said he's not surprised by the anger his remarks have evoked.
"All great truths begin as heresies," he added.
Lamm's book grew out of a 2003 essay he wrote and tried to publish in a newsletter at the University of Denver, where he teaches public policy. For the last three years, Lamm has lambasted the university for not publishing his essay.
In the foreword of his book, Lamm addresses the university: "May you come to understand that on a college campus, 'too controversial' is not the answer to anything, ever."
DU vigorously disputes Lamm's accusations. The school contends it did not publish the essay in 2003 because the newsletter didn't take unsolicited work and had changed its format. Spokesman Jim Berscheidt said the school offered Lamm other ways to publish his essay, which he did not take.
"We never censor free speech," Berscheidt said.
City Councilwoman Rosemary Rodriguez, who is Hispanic, said Lamm's comments are consistent with those made in past years.
"He's worn me down. I just expect this from him," she said.
Bruce DeBoskey, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League, agreed that Lamm's book does not present new arguments. But they are still dangerous, he said.
Lamm's comments "can lead to greater prejudice rather than to greater understanding," he said.
Aber, of the Vail Symposium, said Lamm encouraged debate during his 40-minute speech and question- and-answer session. He said the audience didn't express anger.
"He was kind of pushing for people to argue," she said. "Some people were agreeing and some people were disagreeing and . . . that was welcome."
7.25.2006
Miss Communication
So this weekend when my web connection went down. -- I swear, I was going through DT's or something, it was sort of scary. Luckily, I had The Kidlet there to talk me down so no one got hurt. ("Mama, have a glass of wine, it will be OK" -- man, I love that kid.)
Then on Monday, the email system at my office went down. In fact, it's STILL down (and yes, its Tuesday).
You would think that the world has come to a screeching halt. Actually, here it has. I would bet that about 95%of our business is conducted via email. Contacting clients, vendors, etc. is almost exclusively done that way, so this has thrown quite a wrench into the works.
A girlfriend of mine pointed out that Mercury is now in retrograde. I know what this means because the last time she mentioned this, I looked it up (isn't the internet nifty?). Although I don't put much (if any) stock in horoscopes (unless they say what I want them to, like "stay home today and pamper yourself" or, "you will be worshipped this weekend by a young buck who will indulge in your every whim"), I think there might be something to this. -- Especially since I have missed more phone calls, had emails go into the ether, and plain just "cain't talk right".
On July 4, 2006, Mercury, the cosmic magician, turns retrograde in Leo, the sign of the Lion, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! This awkward period begins a few days before the actual turning point (as Mercury slows) and lasts for three weeks or so, until July 29, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.
(from here if you are just dying to know more detail)
That sounds about right to me. And since I'm now one to start hedging my bets, I checked to see if this is going to happen again. I read that this happens about 3 times per year, WTF???
Stupid stars...
Then on Monday, the email system at my office went down. In fact, it's STILL down (and yes, its Tuesday).
You would think that the world has come to a screeching halt. Actually, here it has. I would bet that about 95%of our business is conducted via email. Contacting clients, vendors, etc. is almost exclusively done that way, so this has thrown quite a wrench into the works.
A girlfriend of mine pointed out that Mercury is now in retrograde. I know what this means because the last time she mentioned this, I looked it up (isn't the internet nifty?). Although I don't put much (if any) stock in horoscopes (unless they say what I want them to, like "stay home today and pamper yourself" or, "you will be worshipped this weekend by a young buck who will indulge in your every whim"), I think there might be something to this. -- Especially since I have missed more phone calls, had emails go into the ether, and plain just "cain't talk right".
On July 4, 2006, Mercury, the cosmic magician, turns retrograde in Leo, the sign of the Lion, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! This awkward period begins a few days before the actual turning point (as Mercury slows) and lasts for three weeks or so, until July 29, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.
(from here if you are just dying to know more detail)
That sounds about right to me. And since I'm now one to start hedging my bets, I checked to see if this is going to happen again. I read that this happens about 3 times per year, WTF???
Stupid stars...
7.21.2006
New Adventure For Hella
So this friend of mine has been bugging me for, oh, I don't know, about 6 years now for me to do a photo shoot with him.
Now, let's start this with the fact that I HATE being photographed. Honestly, despite the fact that I have been told otherwise, I think that I'm probably one of the strangest looking people on the planet.
But with life the way that it has been, and me needing some sort of something to make me feel, well, less awful, I finally said yes.
So now I have bangs again, I've had enough make up applied to choke a freaking horse, and I've embarked into the world of "model" even if only for an evening (and for no pay). Very weird.
I meet this one woman and learn that her entire job was to make me look good. Again, very weird. -- I'm sitting in this chair getting my hair and make up done like I'm some sort of celebrity, squirming the whole time.
Next, my dear friend chases me down and snaps some photos with his point and shoot digital, "to get a feel for how I react to the camera" -- I react by wanting to vomit, I could have told him that I would react badly.
After that, really intense lights, good music, and yes, a drink or two so I didn't totally freeze up in front of the camera. -- It was a surreal experience, but I'm glad I did it.
The one thing that bugged me was his desire to get across a "Pin-up, Bettie Page sort of feel" -- I told him I wasn't getting naked or holding a whip. He thought that was funny. But he also knew I was NOT kidding.
When the photos are ready, he promises to send me some, so I will share if they don't suck.
I think that the big thing is that I'm really proud of myself for doing this. One more fear conquered, only 867 to go.
Now, let's start this with the fact that I HATE being photographed. Honestly, despite the fact that I have been told otherwise, I think that I'm probably one of the strangest looking people on the planet.
But with life the way that it has been, and me needing some sort of something to make me feel, well, less awful, I finally said yes.
So now I have bangs again, I've had enough make up applied to choke a freaking horse, and I've embarked into the world of "model" even if only for an evening (and for no pay). Very weird.
I meet this one woman and learn that her entire job was to make me look good. Again, very weird. -- I'm sitting in this chair getting my hair and make up done like I'm some sort of celebrity, squirming the whole time.
Next, my dear friend chases me down and snaps some photos with his point and shoot digital, "to get a feel for how I react to the camera" -- I react by wanting to vomit, I could have told him that I would react badly.
After that, really intense lights, good music, and yes, a drink or two so I didn't totally freeze up in front of the camera. -- It was a surreal experience, but I'm glad I did it.
The one thing that bugged me was his desire to get across a "Pin-up, Bettie Page sort of feel" -- I told him I wasn't getting naked or holding a whip. He thought that was funny. But he also knew I was NOT kidding.
When the photos are ready, he promises to send me some, so I will share if they don't suck.
I think that the big thing is that I'm really proud of myself for doing this. One more fear conquered, only 867 to go.
7.10.2006
I Just Remembered
I've been digging through my CD collection as of late, looking for things that I may not have heard in a while and I found a couple of things that have just knocked my socks off.
First, Bare Jr.'s "Boo-tay" -- one of those albums (yes, they are still albums to me) that is just fun to listen to. Listening to that on the way to work when I'm in a craptastic mood makes the odds of my co-workers surviving the day a little bit better.
Second, the Reverend -- I haven't listened to "Smoke 'Em If You Got "Em" in a long, long time. Can I tell you how incredible that man is on the guitar? Makes me want to give up on my even learning. He just smokes on one of my favorite tracks, "Bullet" -- holy moly!
Finally, Jesus Lizard's "Goat" -- My ears are bleeding from turning that one up to 11 to drown out the sound of, well, everything.
That's all, my inner music geek just had to spew forth, thanks for bearing with me.
First, Bare Jr.'s "Boo-tay" -- one of those albums (yes, they are still albums to me) that is just fun to listen to. Listening to that on the way to work when I'm in a craptastic mood makes the odds of my co-workers surviving the day a little bit better.
Second, the Reverend -- I haven't listened to "Smoke 'Em If You Got "Em" in a long, long time. Can I tell you how incredible that man is on the guitar? Makes me want to give up on my even learning. He just smokes on one of my favorite tracks, "Bullet" -- holy moly!
Finally, Jesus Lizard's "Goat" -- My ears are bleeding from turning that one up to 11 to drown out the sound of, well, everything.
That's all, my inner music geek just had to spew forth, thanks for bearing with me.
7.08.2006
Music for saddle-weary drunkards
This station is one of my favorites when I feel my inner-redneck coming to the surface. I've just heard the Dwight Yoakam & Buck Owens, the Beat Farmers & now it's James Monroe. Life is good.
Check them out and let me know what you think.
http://www.bootliquor.com/
Check them out and let me know what you think.
http://www.bootliquor.com/
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