10.11.2006

Epic Battle with Mucus

It all began innocently enough. I’ve been working insane hours for the past couple of months and in an effort to make up for this, I volunteered to help out with the kidlet's 5th grade field trip.

Anyone who knows me will find that little tidbit amusing in and of itself. I am a parent, and my daughter is the coolest, but on the whole I am not overly fond of children (she's the first baby I ever held). This can be a problem since kids, like cats, are immediately drawn to those that dislike them. It’s amazing really; the little suckers hang on me like I’m covered in gummy bears or something.

Anyhow, a few days after the field trip from hell (it's a posting all by itself, I’m not over it enough to relive it yet); I began to feel sort of crappy. Since I had been in the middle of a ton of kids (also known as germ factories) I wasn't all that surprised that I was developing a cold. For a week I was feeling more and more miserable so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. She diagnosed a sinus infection & bronchitis, put me on antibiotics and sent me on my way with a word of caution to get some rest and take care of myself. Yeah, right – she’s never seen what my work life is like.

My body was so filled with mucus that every time I blew my nose I was completely astounded at how much was coming out. I was sneezing like mad (which is how I’m going to die, sneezing while driving, I just know it) and I just felt like shit in general. But we were in a peak at work so taking time off was not an option.

Then, one morning I woke up before my alarm and I felt, well, wonderful. The feeling was so foreign to me at this point that I almost didn’t recognize the sensation, but I welcomed it with open arms and decided to make the best of it.

I jumped into the shower, actually did my hair and makeup, put on a great outfit and my new super cool suede pumps. I looked great, felt great and was even going to be early for work!

On the way to the cube farm I always stop and get what is known in my world as the "big soda" -- I’m not much of a coffee person, so a 44oz. diet coke is my preferred method for early morning caffeine.(yes, I know I have a problem)

So I head to the convenience store, get my soda, pay and head for the door. I’m still happy, still look and feel great and am very excited about getting the caffeine into my system ASAP. – Then it happens. The sneezing fit to end all sneezing fits, right there at the door of the store. I'm right at the spot where the motion sensor goes off (you know, that obnoxious "bong bong" noise), frozen in my tracks, no control over my body whatsoever.

As I am sneezing uncontrollably I grip my soda much too hard, somehow manage to squeeze the top off and sort of jerk the cup upwards. I am now covered in diet coke, snot and spit;. so is the front door and the floor, and my new shoes. All of this in the space of about 5 seconds.

The guy behind the counter moves quickly through the crowd (well of course there was a crowd, this is ME after all), starts cleaning up the floor and then another clerk brings me a new soda. I muttered thank you, got back in my car without making eye contact with anyone and headed back home to shower and change.

The end result is that my shoes were ruined, I will never go back to that store, and I was now late for work, humiliated, feeling like shit again AND in a pissy mood. Jesus, how I love my life. 

1 comment:

Blei said...

It takes a special kind of person to make mucus sexy.

Good luck with that.